PART
3:
Throughout
this hospital stay, my eyes have been opened so much. I pieced
together so many things that happened in Ukraine. So much I did not
share with the public because I did not think it was of any
importance or that I just forgot and am now remembering. Silas did
not have these spasms in the orphanage. Why? He was on some sort of
medication. What it was, we will never know. Why were we not told he
was medicated? The wonderful Nancy once again had to help me
understand this. In their beliefs, Silas was not worthy of a family
because he is non verbal and immobile. When she said this to me, I
started putting so many things together. Although I do not want to
believe that, because I do not understand how anyone can not love his
sweet little face. He did not ask to be put on this earth nor is it
his fault that he is the way he is. His life is just as precious as
every other life. And he deserves even more love than those of us
that are “normal,” not less.
I
am going to go back to October 17. This was our first DAP
appointment. This is where we were told Silas was not available to be
adopted due to his paper work being changed. It took a few times for
me to understand why he was not available. My brain was just not
working. And I want to clarify this because I have seen cases of
ignorant trolls twisting stories when they hear a family pursued a
child that was not available. And I am aware of trolls lurking around
my blog, so I will explain why he was not available and why we
pursued. In Ukraine, children under 5 are only available for
international adoption IF they have a certain special need. There is
a list of about 12 and these needs have special numbers assigned to
them. The approved needs have numbers from about 80.2-something I do
not remember. His was changed to a number that was like 80.0. I was
told it was an accident. When our paperwork was filed in August,
everything was clear for us to adopt Silas. Sometime after that and
before our DAP appointment, I was told a different doctor saw Silas
while the director was on vacation. That doctor was the one that
accidentally changed the code, making him unavailable for
international adoption before he turned 5.
We
were given a few options: come back after Silas' 5th
birthday (which was a month and a half away), accept a referral for
another child and possibly add Silas if his paperwork could be
changed (they were pushing us to accept a healthier child in another
region), accept no referral and wait to see if Silas' paperwork could
be changed, which could take a few days or a few weeks. While in the
appointment, we were shown other files of children and even a video.
The video was of another boy with CP. He was just learning to walk.
We were told he was better off than Silas, as his CP was mild. Also I
was shown the file of a Deaf boy. Even with my Deaf Ed background, I
still wanted Silas. I was told “It is only a still picture you
have seen. You can not love a picture. You have not held this child.
You can not love him.” Oh, but I do! I asked to see the file of
“Orion” who I knew was at the same orphanage. We had considered
him as a second child but wanted to assess Silas' needs first and be
sure we could meet his needs. I was so distraught, one of my
facilitator saw that I clearly could not make a decision. I agreed to
go across the street to a little pizza place and sort things out. I
wanted to speak to Nancy. Its so funny that it my knee jerk reaction
was “I want to talk to Nancy.” As if she were my mother. Instead
of “I want my mommy” “I want my Nancy.” lol (She has really
been that wonderful throughout this process. I still run to her with
issues I have related to the adoption. I will likely never stop
pestering her. Sorry Nancy!) One of the other facilitators stepped
away to make a phone call to the director. She came back and told us
that the director agreed to have Silas' paperwork changed in the
morning and if we accepted “Orion” we would be allowed to meet
Silas at the same time. She also said that we must understand that
Silas' condition is severe. She said to me “he is not working.” I
know I must have given her a crazy look because she then said “that
is just how they say it here.” We accepted the referral for “Orion”
and would meet him the following day.
On
our way to the orphanage, our driver picked up our facilitator. She
turned to us and said that the director is very happy we are
interested in “Orion” and that he is thriving. Nothing was said
about Silas. When we got to the orphanage, we were given so much
information on “Orion.” The director knew so much information
that I suspected that he knew the parents. He knew how many times the
mother had been married, that the father was a big man like my
husband, their jobs, etc. (“Orion” was André's
name given on RR. I will refer to him as André
from here on out.) When André
entered the room he was a giggle box and I was in love. The director
played with him and showed us how he could give 5. He clearly loved
André. Next we had a
“off the record” info session on Silas. We were told not nearly
half as much info, which could have been because they did not have
it. One thing that was repeated was, he has had therapies but has not
responded. He was brought down. He was clearly frightened and did not
know what was going on. He constantly looked around for familiar
faces. He was not used to leaving the walls of his groupa. He is not
mobile, so he does not get outside time like children that can walk.
I noticed he is so observant! He looked at everyone, wanting to know
who they were. Another thing I noticed, the director had stepped
back. He had NO interaction with him at all! He was not at all happy
that a family wanted Silas. Those few brief moments with him were so
precious to me and I was very grateful that the director allowed us
to meet him.
We
had our second DAP the following week and accepted our referral for
Silas. We also decided that we would petition the court to adopt both
boys. We could have, at this point, chose only one. And I think our
facilitator was surprised that we still wanted Silas after having
visits with him, but we did. As devastated as I was at our DAP
appointment, it was truly a blessing. We would have never met André
if Silas were not available. The orphanage was like a fortress and mingling with other children is not allowed. Silas did not have these
issues in the orphanage. Something was done to prevent, no matter
what it was, we should have been told.
Now,
fast forward to Gotcha Day. The director gave us 3 bags of medicine
for
André.
NOTHING for Silas. As a doctor, he should know that stopping
medication suddenly (especially the type that he was likely on) could
cause serious withdrawals and even death. Let me just remind you that
whatever he was on was so strong that this child has a tolerance to
anesthesia! That is sickening! He could have at least let us know
what he was on. Then we could be prepared. Also, after we came down
with the boys, he grabbed André
and posed for a picture with him. He did not offer to take a picture
with Silas. We left the orphanage and only saw the director again
until when we signed over the boys' bank accounts to the orphanage.
The following day was when we tried to have our facilitator call him
to find out what meds Silas was on and we did not receive a return
call.
After
thinking about all of this, I realized that what Nancy told me is
true. Because Silas can not walk or talk, they thought he was
unworthy of a family. Or they wanted a healthier child to be adopted
instead. I can not tell you how ANGRY this makes me! I look at this
sweet face and think that I almost did not have the chance to have
him as my son because of their stupid beliefs. He turned 5 on
November 29. He would have been transferred shortly after. I know
this, he would not have lasted a week! He was so incredibly
malnourished, in the orphanage he did not have the use of his voice.
In the past week, with the nutrition he has been getting, he now can
use his voice. I have videos to prove this! I am so glad I fought for
him that day at the DAP appointment. Even through this hard time of
him being hospitalized, I could not imagine the rest of my life
without Silas, or André,
or D.J., or Tage, or Maben.
 |
| The director posing with André |
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| My Sweet Silas |
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